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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897886">Bad Things Happen Bingo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuddyBuddyPalBuddy/pseuds/BuddyBuddyPalBuddy'>BuddyBuddyPalBuddy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment Issues, Angst, Banishment, Blood, Death, Gen, Guns, Hurt No Comfort, Russian Roulette</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:13:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuddyBuddyPalBuddy/pseuds/BuddyBuddyPalBuddy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bad things happen. Why? Because they’re more fun to write</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Bad Things Happen Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Russian Roulette</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He sat impatiently still on the back patio, cross legged on rough concrete. Night had fallen, but the dark smelled sweet, and the porch light glowed bright and steady, attracting moths. Remus stared at the moths as they fluttered around the light. He was half tempted to try to catch some, but he’d long committed to sitting and waiting, just like he was told to do so. A moth landed on the light. </p><p>With a swish, the back door opened. Remus perked up as he saw a figure step out, holding two brown glass bottles.</p><p>“I hope you brought a bottle opener for those,” Remus said. </p><p>“The caps screw off,” Patton responded, “it’s, um, root beer.”</p><p>Remus pouted, watching Patton sit across from him, crossing his legs and passing Remus a bottle. Remus screwed the tap off, and sniffed the liquid. He grimaced.</p><p>“God. Why root beer? I thought you would get actual beer? We’re both of drinking age.”</p><p>Patton sighed.</p><p>“This is a conversation I want to have sober.”</p><p>“Really? Because you look pretty stressed, papa bear. What’s got you in a tizzy?”</p><p>Patton unscrewed the root beer, and took a small sip. He set it down on the cement patio with a clink.</p><p>“A lot has,” Patton said. “Roman is… keeping his distance for the time being. But that doesn’t mean that you get to take his place—“</p><p>“I don’t want to take his place,” Remus snapped. He glared at Patton. “Is that all you wanted to say? Are you done? Can I have a real beer now?”</p><p>Patton rubbed his temples.</p><p>“Would you just listen to me, kiddo? Please?”</p><p>Remus crossed his arms.</p><p>“No. Wait!” Remus flapped his hands excitedly. “Yes, but on one condition! We make a game of it!”</p><p>Patton nervously smiled.</p><p>“What kind of game? Um, charades? Twenty questions! That would be fun.”</p><p>Remus tilted his head. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver revolver, which gleamed dangerously in the patio light. Patton gasped.</p><p>“What— are you going to kill me?”</p><p>“We can’t be killed, dumbfuck.”</p><p>“...it’s still really scary.”</p><p>Remus held the gun steadily. He caressed the barrel, a small smile growing on his face. </p><p>“Do you know what Russian roulette is?”</p><p>Patton stared at the gun. He slowly shook his head. Of course he didn’t know.</p><p>“It’s when you put a single bullet in a revolver, like this, and then you spin the cylinder, like this—“ Remus spun the cylinder with a flourish, then closed it. “And then, you put the gun to your head and pull the trigger!”</p><p>Remus pressed the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click.</p><p>Patton stared at him with wide, horrified eyes.</p><p>“Oh my goodness.”</p><p>Remus set the gun down between them.</p><p>“For each time you speak, you spin and shoot, and I’ll do the same. The conversation ends when one of us takes a bullet, or one of us chickens out.” Remus leaned forward. He pushed the gun closer to Patton. The metal scraped against the concrete, a horrible noise. “So, padre, how important is this conversation to you?”</p><p>Patton’s breaths came in short, nervous puffs. Remus smirked. He picked up his root beer and took a long sip, admiring how the porch light made the gun shine.</p><p>Suddenly, the gun was gone. </p><p>Patton held it awkwardly. He popped the cylinder out of place, spun it, then shoved it back into place. Then he held it to his head.</p><p>“I think that you and Roman need to talk,” he said quickly, “Find a way to split the duties of creativity. Maybe there’s a way you two could reform, become one Creativity?”</p><p>Patton squeezed his eyes shut, then pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click.</p><p>Remus sighed as Patton set down the gun, shell shocked and panting. Remus calmly picked the gun up. Spun the cylinder. Then he spoke.</p><p>“Even if I could, I wouldn’t. I’m happy as I am. All I want is what’s best for Thomas. And right now it means being his creativity while Roman is off having his hissy fit.”</p><p>Remus held the gun up to his head and pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click.</p><p>Then he gently set it down. Patton opened his mouth, then shut it, staring at the gun. Slowly, he picked it up, hands shaking. Flicked the cylinder.</p><p>“I just… I think it would be best if you talked to him. Tried to get him to come back. Because Thomas’ friends are starting to worry about him because of all the ideas he’s been having, the horrible, horrible ideas.”</p><p>Patton stared at the gun in his hand. He held it to his temple. Pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click.</p><p>Patton let out a nervous breath, and dropped the gun. Remus picked it up with no hesitation.</p><p>“All I want is what’s best for Thomas, don’t you get it? I want him to push his creativity to the very limit. I want him to make something that will never be forgotten.”</p><p>He spun the cylinder. Held the gun to his head. Pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click.</p><p>He spun the cylinder and offered the gun to Patton. Patton took it. </p><p>“I… I know you do! We all want what’s best for him. I love Thomas so much, and I want him to have a good life, and be good—“ Patton sniffled. “I want him to be good! I’ve been trying so hard for him to be good! And I don’t want him to hurt himself. Your ideas are taking him down to a dark, dark place. I’m scared that you’ll hurt yourself, or he’ll get hurt. I’m really scared.”</p><p>Patton held the gun to his head. He closed his eyes tight, like a scared child hiding under the blankets. Tears spilled down his face. </p><p>“I’m really scared.”</p><p>He pulled the trigger.</p><p>Click.</p><p>Sobbing, he dropped the gun on the concrete. Patton hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. Remus finished off the rest of his root beer. He smashed the bottle against the concrete just to watch Patton flinch.</p><p>Remus held the gun with both hands. He stared emptily at the barrel. He sighed.</p><p>“You want him to be good. Good for you. There’s no such thing as good. No such thing as evil. It’s all silly rules we hold ourselves accountable for. Silly, silly rules.”</p><p>Remus raised the gun to his head, giggling.</p><p>He held it steady.</p><p>Across from him, Patton shook with sobs.</p><p>Remus shut his eyes, giggles dissolving into rabid cackles.</p><p>His finger felt the trigger.</p><p>At the last second he moved his hand—</p><p>BANG.</p><p>A heavy thud. The moths all fluttered away. Remus lowered the gun, slowly opening his eyes.</p><p>Patton’s body had gone limp, laying on his back. Between his eyes, the gunshot wound steadily leaked blood. Remus leaned over him, brushing his fingers through his scarlet blood. It didn’t matter. Soon enough Patton would be back, all nice and alive in his own room. </p><p>Remus stood. His hips popped. He casually stepped over Patton’s body, and opened the patio door into the kitchen.</p><p>He could really go for a nice, cold beer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. “Please don’t leave me”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Janus and Remus have a talk.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d known this time would come. He’d known since the minute Janus had tried to convince the others to go to the callback. He’d known since Janus came back and asked to smash something in the imagination, just as Virgil had when he returned from some debate. They both had that same frustration hanging over them, like a fishhook, waiting to be bitten on then SNAP—</p><p>Remus sat curled in bed, gnawing at his knuckles like a rabid animal. That was an accurate description. He was a rabid animal. A beast meant to be locked away. A growl slipped from his lips. Someone knocked at the door. </p><p>“Fuck off,” he snapped. “Fuck off. Fuck off.”</p><p>He bit his hand hard. The taste of iron filled his mouth.</p><p>The door slowly creaked open. </p><p>“Remus—“</p><p>“I said fuck off, Janus!” He screamed, voice breaking, “fuck off! I don’t want to talk to you.”</p><p>Janus stood in the doorway, staring at him with eyes full of pity. Remus knew how this would go. Pity would turn to annoyance would turn to anger and then Janus would turn and leave. </p><p>“You and I both know that’s a lie,” Janus said gently.</p><p>Remus glared at Janus as he stepped inside the room, slowly closing the door behind him. He sat on the bed, and gently took Remus’s gnawed hand, brushing a gloved thumb over the bite mark. Janus smiled softly at him, and sat on his bed.</p><p>Remus took a deep breath as relief courses through him.  A smile split his lips. Was Janus not going to leave? Would he stay? He would! He was going to stay!</p><p>Remus pounced on Janus, wrapping his arms tightly around his best friend. He sobbed into his chest, comforted by the scratchy fabric of Janus’ cape against his cheek.</p><p>“I thought you were going to leave! I was so scared. But— I guess it was fucking stupid of me to think yoy would, I’m. I'm so so happy!”</p><p>Janus went stiff in his arms, but Remus didn’t let go. He’d let himself get worked up over nothing at all. Really, everything was fine! It was all fine. And Janus would stay and they’d be together and he wouldn’t lose another loved one to the others.</p><p>Janus sighed.</p><p>“I came here to talk to you, Remus.”</p><p>Remus snuggled into his chest, feeling the vibrations as Janus spoke. Janus gently ran a gloved hand through his hair, quietly chasing all of his worried thoughts away.</p><p>“You know Thomas isn’t stable right now,” Janus said, “and I need to help him, and do everything I can to help him. Right now I think he needs me close by, where he can call upon me.”</p><p>Remus froze. </p><p>“No. No, no. You’re joking, right?”</p><p>“It won’t be permanent—“</p><p>Remus yanked himself away from him.</p><p>“As if, as if! You finally get your chance to leave and you take it! Just like Virgil did!”</p><p>Janus grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“This is nothing like that,” Janus comforted, “I have to help Thomas. Once this crisis has passed, I will return.”</p><p>Remus stared at him. His eyes started to fill with tears. He blinked hard, and they spilled down his face.</p><p>“Really? You really think you will? I bet Virgil thought it was temporary too! And then Thomas decided he needed him! And you know what happened? He hates us now! He hates us with every single inch of his body and every single organ, he hates us!”</p><p>He inhaled sharply, biting hard on his hand and sobbing around it. Janus gently took his hand, and pulled it from his mouth, letting Remus’ sobs ring out.</p><p>“I know you’re scared,” Janus purred sweetly, “but you can’t change my mind. I will be back once this situation is resolved.”</p><p>And he let go of Remus’ hand. </p><p>“No,” Remus sobbed, “No, you can’t—“</p><p>“I have to,” Janus whispered.</p><p>Janus stood from the bed, walking to the door. With a primal scream, Remus lept at him, wrapping his arms around his leg. Janus stumbled, hand pressing against the wall.</p><p>“You can’t do this to me!” Remus wailed, tears pouring down his face.</p><p>“Let go,” Janus hissed. Remus tightened his grip, knuckles white.</p><p>“You can’t! You can’t do this to me! You can’t do this to me! Please! Please, Jannie!”</p><p>“Let go of me!”</p><p>A bolt of white hot pain hit him square in the chest. Remus fell backwards, gasping for breath. Janus stared down at him, eyes filled to the very brim with pity. Remus’ mind spun a mile a minute. He clutched his aching chest.</p><p>“You… you kicked me?” He whispered.</p><p>Janus looked away. Without another word, he stepped forward, then closed the door behind him. Remus scrambled after him on his hands and knees, wheezing and whimpering like a dying animal. He pounded his fists on the door.</p><p>“JANUS!” He bellowed, so loud it felt like his throat was tearing, “JANUS! COME BACK! DON’T GO!”</p><p>His chest felt like fishhooks had been dug into each rib, and he was being slowly pulled apart, couldn't breathe, ribs aching, because Janus would never come back if he left, like Virgil, like Roman—</p><p>Remus slammed his head against the door, sobbing painfully. </p><p>“Please,” he wept, “please don’t leave me.”</p><p>But Janus had already left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Send bingo prompts at palpalbuddypal on tumblr</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Banishment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Patton is banished</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The castle halls were absolutely empty. Patton’s footsteps echoed loudly on the white marble floor, a sound that made him shake. Never before had his footsteps sounded this loud, what had changed? Patton stopped in his tracks. The tapestries were all gone. Roman’s castle in the imagination used to be filled with tapestries, fine, heavy things that hung between each window, embroidered with golden thread and infinite care. </p><p>They’d vanished. Just like Roman. </p><p>Patton sighed, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. Now was not the time to lose his nerve.</p><p>He started walking again, staring at the giant doors at the end of the hallway, menacing and dark. The last time he’d visited the castle, the heart of Roman’s imagination, was before Janus had told them his name, and that was, what, two months ago? Patton sighed.</p><p>Two months had passed, and so much had changed. Lightning cracked outside, and Patton flinched.</p><p>Patton came to those massive doors, and gently pushed them open.</p><p>The throne room looked even more dismal than the hall had. All the fine tapestries had been ripped down and sat on the floor in heavy red heaps like stagnant pools of blood. The only light came from smoldering torches, which let off more smoke than light. No sunlight shone through the windows— Romans kingdom had been trapped in a perpetual night for two months. Rain pattered against the windows.</p><p>Patton waved his hand, trying to see through the thick smoke. He coughed. This throne room used to be filled with color and life, flowers in full bloom basking in the light the massive windows let in, and when it was night, bright, happy torchlight made the throne room feel like a home. Patton looked around as he blindly walked forward.</p><p>“Don’t you dare take another step,” a deep voice whispered. Patton froze like a deer in the headlights.</p><p>Patton could hardly make out his silhouette in the smoky room, but he knew he sat on the throne. That’s where he always sat. He squinted through the smoke.</p><p>“...Roman? Is that you?”</p><p>Roman hunched in on himself, a cloak as black as coal draped around his shoulders, hood pulled low over his eyes. </p><p>“Who else would it be, Remus?” Roman growled, voice thick.</p><p>“No, I know it’s you.”</p><p>Patton tilted his head, trying to look under the hood over Roman’s face. Roman turned his head away.</p><p>“What’s, um. What’s with all the black?” Patton asked. </p><p>Roman laughed bitterly.</p><p>“I’m in mourning.”</p><p>Patton swallowed. The air hung heavy with smoke. It felt like he couldn’t breathe.</p><p>“...Morning? It’s uh, pretty dark outside—“</p><p>“You know damn well what I meant, I’m in mourning. With a u.”</p><p>“If you’re in mourning, maybe I can be the ‘u’ you mourn with.”</p><p>Roman turned his head to face him.</p><p>“I want you to leave,” he said sharply. Patton cautiously stepped forward.</p><p>“Kiddo,” Patton said, “it’s been two months. We’re all so worried about you. I thought you’d just locked yourself in your room, but I opened  the door and you weren’t there, so…” </p><p>He trailed off as Roman stood, the black cloak he wore brushing the floor like heavy smoke. Roman said nothing, just stood and stared.</p><p>“...Why are you in mourning?”</p><p>Roman slowly walked away from his throne, pacing silently to the window. He gazed out into the endless night, looking like a miserable shadow of a man.</p><p>“Because I lost everything,” Roman responded, voice heavy, “I lost Thomas’ love, I lost my place at the table, I lost whatever goodness I thought I had. I’m nothing now. I have nothing now.”</p><p>Patton wiped his eyes. Now wasn’t the time to cry, Roman needed him.</p><p>“Kiddo, you’ve not lost anything. Thomas still loves you so, so much— I do too! You’re still his hero.”</p><p>“No I’m not,” Roman spat, “don’t you dare lie to me.”</p><p>Patton took a single step forward.</p><p>Roman whirled around, cloak flying around him like a tempest. Lightning crackled outside.</p><p>“I told you to not take another step!” Roman roared. </p><p>He pulled his sword from his cloak, and lunged at Patton with it. Patton squeaked in fear. He stumbled, back hitting the floor hard. Breathing heavily, Patton kicked at the floor, trying to scurry away, only to freeze as Roman pressed the tip of his sword against his throat.</p><p>“Roman, please,” Patton whispered. </p><p>“I, Prince Roman, ruler of this kingdom that I have made with my two hands, the good half of creativity, banish you”</p><p>Another crack of lightning lit the room. Patton’s eyes went wide. For a fraction of a second, Patton could see under Roman’s hood. His eyes were red. Tears poured down his cheeks. </p><p>“Roman, you—“</p><p>“Did you not fucking hear me?” Roman screamed, lightly pressing the tip of his sword into Patton’s neck. A bead of hot blood dribbled down his neck. Patton squeaked with fear.</p><p>“I— I heard you, kiddo.”</p><p>“Is that any way to address your sovereign?” Roman hissed. He pressed the sword deeper into Patton’s throat. Tears spilled from Patton’s eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry, my Prince. But please, let me stay, we can talk about this! You can come back, and I can make you cookies, and we’ll have a chat and you can tell me everything. Please, please don’t make me leave you alone. I’m really worried.”</p><p>The last sentence dissolved into sobs. The floor felt like a block of ice against Patton’s back. He squeezed his eyes shut, trembling on the ground.</p><p>“If you were so worried, then why did you wait two months to come looking for me?” Roman whispered. </p><p>Patton opened his eyes. Why had he waited? Roman glared down at him, and pulled the sword away, then spat in his eye. Patton yelped, spit trickling down his cheek, mixing with his tears. Roman turned away from him, staring at his throne, clutching his sword tightly. Patton sat up, trembling like a leaf.</p><p>“Prince Roman—“</p><p>“You are still banished from here, Morality,” Roman said sharply, “Leave now or I swear to God I’ll rip your throat out with my teeth.”</p><p>Patton stared at his back, eyes full of tears. Slowly, he stood, even though his legs shook and threatened to give out on him. He looked at the back of Roman’s head.</p><p>“I’m so, so sorry kiddo,” Patton whimpered, “I should’ve been there for you.”</p><p>Roman turned around. He raised his sword, a silent warning.</p><p>“I never want to see your face in my kingdom again.”</p><p>Patton sniffled, tears dripping freely down his face, mingled with Roman’s spit. His throat still bled, crimson blood now staining his polo. He didn’t want to go. Why would Roman push him away so much? Would he ever be un-banished? Would Roman forgive him for whatever he’d done?</p><p>Patton wiped his nose, choking out a sob. He faced the doors, and started walking, tears making his vision fuzzy. The second he walked through the throne room doors, they slammed shut behind him. </p><p>Patton collapsed, back against the doors. He buried his head in his hands, sobs shaking him to his very core. He knew he had to leave. He had to go because Roman had banished him. He needed to leave.</p><p>He forced himself to stand again, and started his walk down the long, empty hallway.</p><p>Outside, lightning cracked, louder than a whip.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Send requests @palpalbuddypal on tumblr</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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